CH 8 The Formula to the Balance of Happiness

The sense of happiness depends on how we are feeling. All positive emotions add to the happy state and all negative emotions reduce the chances to feel happy. Being content is not in human nature. However that is the source of all the glory that humanity has achieved, it also causes all the misery that exists in the world.

Life is not perfect. In fact, it’s not even smooth or easy. It’s funny that all of us are in constant stress over this consistent fact. To put it simply, life is never the way we want it to be, and this is because we always want something better then what we already have. A better location, a better job, a better house, a better set of clothes, a better environment, a better family (if that was even possible). The list is never-ending, so are the desires.

I discussed on the factors that influence our happiness in Ch 3 to Ch7 (links added below) of this blog. Now I would like to go back to the equation I introduced in Ch1 Fact-ors that influence our Happiness. Where assuming all factors are equally important and are contributing 25% each positively to our happiness, i.e.

Self(25%) + Home(25%) + Social(25%) + Family(25%) = Happiness(100%)

We may attain a state of 100% happiness, well that would be close to Nirvana. This is the ideal, hypothetical and in-fact impractical situation. But let us keep a benchmark of 60% to be reasonably happy, anything more than that is towards Bliss and less than that is the scope of improvement that we should focus on for our reasonable happiness.

So let us get real with the equation. One can have the varying status of contribution and satisfaction on each factor. Not all factors may contribute equally, Self maybe 30%, Social 30%, Home 25% and family maybe 15% for some people as a factor of importance and a very different balance for someone else. Similarly, satisfaction levels will be varied from person to person and from time to time.

Let’s say, for me, all factors are 25% important and I am 10% happy with my health and well being, 10% happy with my job and social status, 20% happy with my family and 15% happy with my home, husband and marriage. Adding all I have 55% happiness and 45% scope of improvement in my happiness.

Self(10%) + Home(15%) + Social(10%) + Family(20%) = Happiness(55%)

But had it been in my hand, I would have already improved my situation. Well that’s not entirely true, of the 45%, probably 30% is beyond my control, yet I can work on the rest 15%. If I could make improvement of only 5% in any one of the factors, I will be reasonably happy, which in turn might help improve another couple of percent on the health factor.

Just to mention here, the grading and % check is as per self-assessment and there is no certified tool to measure exact happiness levels. After all, it is a feeling and can’t be measured by anyone other than the person experiencing it. The key is to identify and work on the improvements that can be done to increase the percentage.

Most of the time we are lacking one or more of the factors contributing towards our happiness. Some of us have non-supporting families, others have toxic relationships, someone has a non-rewarding job, and someone is too sick to enjoy life. Even the one who has all the riches lacks something somewhere. So to maintain a balance in happiness, we will have to keep our desires listed and focus flexible on improvement.

In the next few Chapters in the sequence of this post, I shall try to discuss the variations of the equations with respect to some of ‘what if’ situations. Of which a few that I have personally faced and some other which I have known about from other people’s experiences. I am expecting a lot more of ‘what if’ situations in comments from the readers.

Thanks For reading. Previous Chapters links added below.

Stay tuned, Stay Happy …!!

Ch 0 The thought of being happy

Ch 1 Fact-ors that influence our Happiness

Ch 2 Why focus on Happiness at all ?

Ch 3 Taking care of ‘SELF’ is not Selfish

Ch 4 THE ‘SOCIAL’ (un)HAPPINESS PART 1 : JOB

Ch 5 THE ‘SOCIAL’ (un)HAPPINESS PART 2 : EXPECTATIONS

Ch 6 THE HAPPY HOME !

Ch 7 Family: The Ultimate Support Group

Ch 9

पर मैं भागना न चाहूँ ..

जिंदगी रोज दौड़ती है मुझे, पर मैं भागना न चाहूँ ,

घड़ी रोज जगाती है मुझे, पर मैं जागना न चाहूँ ,

हैं सुई की नोक पर टंगी खुशियाँ,पर मैं टांगना न चाहूँ ,

भगवान को कर सकूँ याद, पर मैं मांगना न चाहूँ ,

चाहंते किसीकी होती पूरी कहाँ, मैं जो भी चाहूँ,

करना पड़ता हर दिन वही यहाँ, मैं चाहूँ न चाहूँ,

आलस नहीं, थकान भी है, चाहत है, अरमान भी है,

हो जाये सब काम सभी का,पर मैं करूँ वही जो मैं चाहूँ,

जीवन में जटिलता कम हो, सरलता ही सार बने,

खुशी और प्यार आसानी से मिल जाये , मैं तो बस इतना चाहूँ,

सेहत आप सुधर जाएगी, इच्छाएं गर बस में हो,

संयम और संतोष रहे मन में, मैं तो बस ऐसा मन चाहूँ,

चाँद न चाहे मेरा हो, बस कहीं भी नहीं अंधेरा हो,

जो खुशियों को खरीद सके, जीवन में बस वो धन चाहूँ.

**************************

Thanks for reading

Stay happy, stay healthy.

Ch 05 THE ‘SOCIAL’ (un)HAPPINESS PART 2 : EXPECTATIONS

“Expectations Hurts”! .

We live with a web of expectations, and they come in various varieties. There are expectations, we have with the rest of the world, be it our spouse, family, friends, employer, government, UNO, and off-course with GOD. Then there are expectations that the world has with us, be it our job title, work performances, lifestyle, the kid’s life or even the pet’s life. The world, starting from our family to the stranger on social media, need us to be in a certain way, which in most cases is different than what we have managed.

We get irritated, sometimes even angry when our expectation with others is not fulfilled in the way we wanted them to be. It can be a paid service that does not come out as it should have, or some of our trusted friend or family did not stand for us when we needed them. The cause of pain here is not what other’s have done, its the expectation that we had with them to do. So essentially we our-self are the cause of our pain.

Similarly, at times the world expects us to do something we don’t like or relate with. Such situations result in a series of disappointments both for us and for the person imposing the desire. This can happen both at work and at home. Even our loved ones can have misplaced expectations from us. Honesty is the only way out, it may cause temporary discomfort, but will save a lot of pain in the long run.

The next type and most impacting expectations are those that we have with ourselves. We want to become like someone, top the class, reach a certain job status, buy a house, improve our health, learn to play the guitar, tour the world, love someone with all our heart, make our parents happy or perhaps do it all. The list is long and ever evolving. These wishes keep us moving and there is nothing that can please us better than achieving them. It is not always easy to attain all you want, at the time you want it. The key to happiness is to have the expectations balanced with our abilities, pace and requirements. It’s perfectly alright to be content if our needs are fulfilled, our talents are utilised, and a certain something is not achieved yet. After all, we need to have something to look forward to.

Stay happy, keep Dreaming!!

CH4

CH6

CH 03 Taking care of ‘SELF’ is not Selfish

We often place the family, the work or the someone special ahead of our own well-being and self-care. After all, compromise is thought to be part of a happy(social) life. But if somewhere deep inside we always resent doing it. At times such regret surface itself out and blow off the happy(social) life, we have worked hard to maintain. No one wins in such a situation.

What went wrong in the above case is that we have ignored our own interests or health. That is SELF, the first and foremost factor of our Happiness.

If we get sick, say a little cold, everything starts to look annoying. Happiness is a distant thought with all the sneezing and headache. That itself is sufficient to establish the importance of good health. As a Happiness factor SELF comes to 25% or even more important to make and keep us happy.

Health has nothing to do with looks, colour or shape of the body. It’s more about feeling good from within, Having no body part particularly aching, Being able to digest our food, sleep comfortably and on time. Like the Britannia ad goes “eat healthily, think better”.

Well, we need to add more sunlight, fresh air and green grass to our lives. Monitor, improve and maintain both physical and mental health. That is the foremost priority to keep us capable of being happy, everyone and everything else comes next. Putting it more bluntly, if something is not going to matter after we die, it’s not worth dying for.

Let us also address the more superficial part of the SELF factor. That is our looks, the way we dress, maintain and present ourselves to the world. The time and energy we spend on self-maintenance also indirectly reflect how much we value ourselves. We certainly feel good and happy when we look better.

It’s not selfish to invest in health and looks of self, before tending to others. Because a happy mind and a healthy body can be more useful than a strained one. Honestly, we will be able to contribute more constructively towards family and friends if we are happy with ourselves first.

I will take upon the SOCIAL factor in next chapter. Thanks for reading, your comments and opinions are welcome

Stay Healthy and look good.

CH 02

CH 04

Ch 02. Why focus on Happiness at all ?

Before heading to the factors of happiness in details, let’s talk about why at all, are we trying to work on an emotion?

Well to start, first we have to acknowledge that happiness is not just an emotion. It’s also part of overall well-being. When we are happy, it makes us feel good and somewhere we feel healed, emotionally or psychologically. This indirectly improve our physical health or at least we want to improve it positively, by taking conscious efforts.

Happiness can be a result of one or more of various feelings. We could experience happiness when we are excited or satisfied or empowered or justified or respected or just healthy. The list is endless as it’s anything that can make us feel good. These are all reactive happiness, that means we are happy when something good happens.

What we are trying to accomplish here is approch to proactive happiness. What I mean by it, is first we become happy by choice and then make the good happen. There is no magic and it won’t solve any problems by itself. What this can do to us, is give us better presence of mind, probably little more confidence and a drive to relish every small sept that we succeed to take.

I believe, I made the point and I can proceed with analysing the factors of our happiness from next post.

Thanks for reading. Please provide your comments below.

Stay happy, Stay healthy.

CH 01

CH 03