CH 10 Happiness Around Painful Relationship

Some relations we get by birth and more we choose from what we get on the way in life. Relationships are supposed to add flavour to life, a sense of support and belongingness comes along. It can be friendship, love or simple acquaintances, all play their roles, that can make or ruin the day. The intensity of pain or happiness is dependent on the attachment with the related person.

‘Bad choice of relationship in life is like the extra salt in an otherwise perfect dish. It can ruin the taste so bad, we feel, it was better when there was no salt at all.’

All relationships need efforts from both sides to sustain. We need to identify first if a relationship is worth fighting for or its for best to let go and move on. Doing so may be more complex then it may sound. But the painful relations, also popularly known as “toxic relations”, are usually un-repairable as they involve some kind of exploitation of one person by the other. It may be financial, political, social, or emotional exploitation where one person gains out of another person’s pain. Such relations are like infections, which can be fatal if not treated and removed.

It is not only the relationship in itself but also the social implications that come with it, that makes it complicated to resolve the issues. Even if breaking such relation may cause discomfort, one needs to focus on long term happiness benefits.

A simple trick I use to test the worth of any relationship is to imagine the loss that other person will feel if I am not around. ‘If he/she doesn’t care if you die(leave), he/she is not worth not dying for’. Turns out, it’s more simple then we thought.

‘when someone doesn’t care if you die, he/she is not worth not dying for’

While the relationships are meant to be mutual and that needs you to contribute your share with honesty and dedication. Its crucial not to loose sight of your happiness over the responsibility of sustaining the relationship. If you continuously find yourself unhappy then some change is required in any relationship. Change may not be drastic or negative always, but just something new or different to freshen up the relations and create scope for mutual happiness.

Blood relations and family ties are something that can not be changed or replaced. When such relations are painful they are in fact too painful. There is only a option to distance from this pain to be able to focus on one’s own happiness. If someone or even everyone call you selfish for that, be selfish … !!

Most important step in the journey towards sustainable happiness is to forgive and not forget who have hurt you.

Stay happy, stay selfish.. !!

Thanks for reading .. !!

CH 9

CH 11

आसमां भर ख़्वाहिशें…✊️

आसमां भर ख्वाहिशों को दो मुठ्ठियों का सहारा मिल जाये,
चाहतों के समंदर को एक कोशिश का किनारा मिल जाये,
मंजिलों के पर्वत भी आसानी से हासिल कर लेंगे,
जूनून के तूफानों को, बस अपनी डगर का इशारा मिल जाये

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Stay inspired Stay positive .. !!

पृथक पथ..👣

जो भेड़चाल में चल गए, वो काफी आगे निकल गए,

जो पृथक पथ थे गढ़ रहे, वो धीरे धीरे बढ़ रहे,

न धन है ना धन्यवाद ही है, अलग राह के अलग स्वाद ही हैं ,

मंजिल मिली तो आकाशीय होगी, अन्यथा सिर्फ हसीं होगी,

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Thanks for reading.. !!

Stay inspired, stay focused .. !!

मजबूरी सा रोजगार.. 🤔

मन के मुताबिक काम नहीं है, काबलियत भर दाम नहीं है,

सारा दिन दफ़्तर में करें चाकरी, घर में भी आराम नहीं है,

किराया भरना, बिल देने हैं, खर्चो पर कोई विराम नहीं है,

चलती चक्की हर महीने , रुक जाने का कोई नाम नहीं है,

दफ़्तर में रोज जंग नई सी, बिन काम की कुस्ती होती है,

बातों के महल ही बनतें है, बातों से तुस्टी होती है,

ऑफिस में राजनीती करने वालों की ही तो मस्ती होती है,

कामगार सब पिसते हैं, जिनकी तनख्वाह भी सस्ती होती है,

रोज ढूंढ़ते नई नौकरी, जो भविष्य संभाल दे अपना,

काम सही हो तो पूरा हो ,पीछे छूट गया जो सपना,

रोजगार है पर मज़बूरी सा, हाथ भरे हैं मन भारी सा,

चाहत थी दुनिया बदलेंगे, काम मिला है लाचारी सा,

स्वरोजगार का सोचा तो पर साहस जुटा नहीं पाए,

साल माहिनो के खर्चो से, पीछा छूटा नहीं पाए,

मन मरता है, पर डरता है, मन को मना नहीं पाए,

बिन साहस, नहीं मिलेगी राहत, इतना सुना नहीं पाए,

एे काश सभी को मिल जाता, वो रोजगार जो मन भाता,

कर्जे किस्तें भी चुक जाती, और कुछ आगे को बच जाता,

दुनिया भी बदल खूब देते , सब सही जगह तक जा पाते,

नाम ना चाहे होता पर, खुश रोजगार से रह पाते !!

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Dedicated to all who are stuck in less then rewarding jobs, but can’t get out due to financial obligations.

Thanks for reading.

Stay happy stay healthy.. !!!

CH 8 The Formula to the Balance of Happiness

The sense of happiness depends on how we are feeling. All positive emotions add to the happy state and all negative emotions reduce the chances to feel happy. Being content is not in human nature. However that is the source of all the glory that humanity has achieved, it also causes all the misery that exists in the world.

Life is not perfect. In fact, it’s not even smooth or easy. It’s funny that all of us are in constant stress over this consistent fact. To put it simply, life is never the way we want it to be, and this is because we always want something better then what we already have. A better location, a better job, a better house, a better set of clothes, a better environment, a better family (if that was even possible). The list is never-ending, so are the desires.

I discussed on the factors that influence our happiness in Ch 3 to Ch7 (links added below) of this blog. Now I would like to go back to the equation I introduced in Ch1 Fact-ors that influence our Happiness. Where assuming all factors are equally important and are contributing 25% each positively to our happiness, i.e.

Self(25%) + Home(25%) + Social(25%) + Family(25%) = Happiness(100%)

We may attain a state of 100% happiness, well that would be close to Nirvana. This is the ideal, hypothetical and in-fact impractical situation. But let us keep a benchmark of 60% to be reasonably happy, anything more than that is towards Bliss and less than that is the scope of improvement that we should focus on for our reasonable happiness.

So let us get real with the equation. One can have the varying status of contribution and satisfaction on each factor. Not all factors may contribute equally, Self maybe 30%, Social 30%, Home 25% and family maybe 15% for some people as a factor of importance and a very different balance for someone else. Similarly, satisfaction levels will be varied from person to person and from time to time.

Let’s say, for me, all factors are 25% important and I am 10% happy with my health and well being, 10% happy with my job and social status, 20% happy with my family and 15% happy with my home, husband and marriage. Adding all I have 55% happiness and 45% scope of improvement in my happiness.

Self(10%) + Home(15%) + Social(10%) + Family(20%) = Happiness(55%)

But had it been in my hand, I would have already improved my situation. Well that’s not entirely true, of the 45%, probably 30% is beyond my control, yet I can work on the rest 15%. If I could make improvement of only 5% in any one of the factors, I will be reasonably happy, which in turn might help improve another couple of percent on the health factor.

Just to mention here, the grading and % check is as per self-assessment and there is no certified tool to measure exact happiness levels. After all, it is a feeling and can’t be measured by anyone other than the person experiencing it. The key is to identify and work on the improvements that can be done to increase the percentage.

Most of the time we are lacking one or more of the factors contributing towards our happiness. Some of us have non-supporting families, others have toxic relationships, someone has a non-rewarding job, and someone is too sick to enjoy life. Even the one who has all the riches lacks something somewhere. So to maintain a balance in happiness, we will have to keep our desires listed and focus flexible on improvement.

In the next few Chapters in the sequence of this post, I shall try to discuss the variations of the equations with respect to some of ‘what if’ situations. Of which a few that I have personally faced and some other which I have known about from other people’s experiences. I am expecting a lot more of ‘what if’ situations in comments from the readers.

Thanks For reading. Previous Chapters links added below.

Stay tuned, Stay Happy …!!

Ch 0 The thought of being happy

Ch 1 Fact-ors that influence our Happiness

Ch 2 Why focus on Happiness at all ?

Ch 3 Taking care of ‘SELF’ is not Selfish

Ch 4 THE ‘SOCIAL’ (un)HAPPINESS PART 1 : JOB

Ch 5 THE ‘SOCIAL’ (un)HAPPINESS PART 2 : EXPECTATIONS

Ch 6 THE HAPPY HOME !

Ch 7 Family: The Ultimate Support Group

Ch 9 Happiness Without Self ?

पर मैं भागना न चाहूँ ..

जिंदगी रोज दौड़ती है मुझे, पर मैं भागना न चाहूँ ,

घड़ी रोज जगाती है मुझे, पर मैं जागना न चाहूँ ,

हैं सुई की नोक पर टंगी खुशियाँ,पर मैं टांगना न चाहूँ ,

भगवान को कर सकूँ याद, पर मैं मांगना न चाहूँ ,

चाहंते किसीकी होती पूरी कहाँ, मैं जो भी चाहूँ,

करना पड़ता हर दिन वही यहाँ, मैं चाहूँ न चाहूँ,

आलस नहीं, थकान भी है, चाहत है, अरमान भी है,

हो जाये सब काम सभी का,पर मैं करूँ वही जो मैं चाहूँ,

जीवन में जटिलता कम हो, सरलता ही सार बने,

खुशी और प्यार आसानी से मिल जाये , मैं तो बस इतना चाहूँ,

सेहत आप सुधर जाएगी, इच्छाएं गर बस में हो,

संयम और संतोष रहे मन में, मैं तो बस ऐसा मन चाहूँ,

चाँद न चाहे मेरा हो, बस कहीं भी नहीं अंधेरा हो,

जो खुशियों को खरीद सके, जीवन में बस वो धन चाहूँ.

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Thanks for reading

Stay happy, stay healthy.