Some of us appear to be always unhappy. Even when they achieve something significant, they are still unhappy about something else. It is more habitual unhappiness then real. They use the tool of victimhood to keep themselves always unhappy and at the centre of everyone’s pity. They believe and act as if the whole world is against them, fate is against them, God is against them and that everyone else is much more fortunate then they are. While at the start, such behaviour tends to attract sympathy from the near ones and even strangers. However, over time it can cause people to wear out and start avoiding the whining person, who constantly fail to sympathise with anyone else.

I do not believe that such behaviour is on purpose and that someone wants to remain constantly unhappy. This is more to do with a lack of self-confidence and self-appreciation. Their natural instinct is to demean their own achievements mostly by comparing to someone doing better, without any intention to doing better themselves.

“It is important to assess our own behaviour if we find people distancing from us.

There is another breed of people who tend to use victimhood as a means to manipulate people and extract gains that they never deserve. They extract sympathy out of their fabricated misfortune and dupe unwilling good souls in providing undue favours. These people are borderline criminals against happiness in any healthy society. Much like a rotten vegetable in a bag of healthy vegetables, which if not isolated in time make all others rot along. Again such behaviour doesn’t last long but leaves a trail of unhappy people who come to realise that they were cheated, and probably decided to never help another soul.

“What hurts more than any misfortune, is when someone cheated you and you couldn’t realise it on time.”

In my life, I have come across both these breeds, and I found two things that are common in both. One they are unhappy and second that they extract your happiness and leave you unpleasant. While one does it, unknowingly and second do it purposely.

If after reading this you find yourself as one of this category, please re-evaluate your thoughts and decide better for your happiness and of those around you. If you find yourself in the company of the first kind, try to rationalize with them, and if you must, help in measures you won’t have to regret. If you find yourself in the company of the second kind, well just leave immediately.



Thanks for reading.

Stay happy, stay conscious.. !!

Ch 12

Ch 14

चिंता से मेरी लड़ाई है … #stress

हैं कष्ट सभी के जीवन में,

पर सच से बहुत बड़ी है चिंता,

संभल को दो शब्द भी मुश्किल,

सौ किस्से लिए खड़ी है चिंता,

हो गृह जीवन या कर्मक्षेत्र ,

हर ओर ही चिंता छाई है,

अपने खुश जीवन की खातिर,

अब चिंता से मेरी लड़ाई है,

मन है, मेरा मनोबल है ,

जीवन की इच्छा सारी है,

कमजोर कर रही भीतर से,

ये चिंता सब पर भारी है,

है बुद्धि और ज्ञान भी है,

ये मेरे तीर कमान भी हैं ,

पर बंधक है भाबुक मन,

और चिंता से संग्राम भी है,

मेरे विरुद्ध चलती है रण में,

है सोच मेरी चिंता के दल में,

थका रही मस्तिष्क को मेरे,

डुबा डुबा चिंता के जल में,

ग्रहयुद्ध सा चलता है अंदर,

मन नहीं मस्तिष्क के वस में,

सही गलत का भेद हो रहा,

धुंधला अब इस असमंजस में,

ले बचा कोई मुझको मुझसे,

दे दिखा मार्ग सुख शांति का,

साधन हो योग शास्त्र जैसा,

करे नष्ट अंधेरा भ्रान्ति का,

हो उपाय समस्या के अनुसार ही,

अनावश्यक चिंतन कम करना है,

सरल जीवन में सुख लाने को,

चिंता का दमन करना है,


More strength to all the stressed.. 🤝

De-stress and stay healthy… !!!

Thanks for reading.

CH 10 Happiness Around Painful Relationship

Some relations we get by birth and more we choose from what we get on the way in life. Relationships are supposed to add flavour to life, a sense of support and belongingness comes along. It can be friendship, love or simple acquaintances, all play their roles, that can make or ruin the day. The intensity of pain or happiness is dependent on the attachment with the related person.

‘Bad choice of relationship in life is like the extra salt in an otherwise perfect dish. It can ruin the taste so bad, we feel, it was better when there was no salt at all.’

All relationships need efforts from both sides to sustain. We need to identify first if a relationship is worth fighting for or its for best to let go and move on. Doing so may be more complex then it may sound. But the painful relations, also popularly known as “toxic relations”, are usually un-repairable as they involve some kind of exploitation of one person by the other. It may be financial, political, social, or emotional exploitation where one person gains out of another person’s pain. Such relations are like infections, which can be fatal if not treated and removed.

It is not only the relationship in itself but also the social implications that come with it, that makes it complicated to resolve the issues. Even if breaking such relation may cause discomfort, one needs to focus on long term happiness benefits.

A simple trick I use to test the worth of any relationship is to imagine the loss that other person will feel if I am not around. ‘If he/she doesn’t care if you die(leave), he/she is not worth not dying for’. Turns out, it’s more simple then we thought.

‘when someone doesn’t care if you die, he/she is not worth not dying for’

While the relationships are meant to be mutual and that needs you to contribute your share with honesty and dedication. Its crucial not to loose sight of your happiness over the responsibility of sustaining the relationship. If you continuously find yourself unhappy then some change is required in any relationship. Change may not be drastic or negative always, but just something new or different to freshen up the relations and create scope for mutual happiness.

Blood relations and family ties are something that can not be changed or replaced. When such relations are painful they are in fact too painful. There is only a option to distance from this pain to be able to focus on one’s own happiness. If someone or even everyone call you selfish for that, be selfish … !!

Most important step in the journey towards sustainable happiness is to forgive and not forget who have hurt you.

Stay happy, stay selfish.. !!

Thanks for reading .. !!

CH 9

CH 11

CH 9: Happiness Without Self ?

We all want to be happy. But what if, the factor of Self is missing. If someone does not value himself or herself. Is happiness even possible? I guess there is always a way, one should have the will to find it.

There can be one possibility, ‘being selfless‘. A person who has found salvation and devoted oneself to the greater good and spiritual explorations. There is no ‘self’ but there are happiness and peace. Although not impossible, this is a less probable option that most of us can relate with.

Other then the above, there is no happiness, unless we are happy with ourselves, to at least a minimum level of satisfaction. Lack of self-esteem is one of the major factors when we begin to doubt ourself, the satisfaction levels drop drastically. There is a lot of literature and self-help content available online and offline to help people realise their worth and revive their self-esteem. My personal favourite are listed below…..

Let Past be Past, easy and straight. Whatever have already happened can not be changed so crying over it, is counter productive. Best is to take the lesson and move on.

Out of control is Out of concern. Whatever is beyond your control and not infulenced by your actions is better left to happen. There is no use bothering about it.

Work on what you can change. Start with yourself, your looks, the way you talk, what you eat or anything that will make the situation better. Then Help others. Helping Others will raise self-esteem very quickly.

Be content. While there are genuine cases of depression and dispare, there are also lot of unnecessary grieving over non essential accomplishments. To keep world a happy place, people need to learn to diffrentiate between sorrow for necesscity and luxury.

Change the Reference Point. When you find yourself completely helpless, so much so that happiness seems impossible. Change the point of reference from where you are measuring your accomplishments. Best not to compare with others and try to better yourself from yesterday and not from 10 years before.

Its not your fault, and even if it is, forgive yourself. All that goes wrong is not always your doing. There is the whole universe responsible for what all happens. If someone has been in an accident and lost a leg or someone is suffering from an incurable disease, the will to enjoy life is hard to find. The First step is to believe in a better life and forgive all the causes of the pain, including yourself.

In short alter the prespective that suit to your situation to see the bright side. Just when you find the will to work on the Self Factor, improve everyday and make a happy life out of whatever situation you are in. Lastly seek help when you can not do it yourself, just like we take a cab when we can’t walk home.

Life is Beautiful believe it and Live it.

Stay Focused and Stay Healthy.. !!

CH 8

CH 10

पृथक पथ..👣

जो भेड़चाल में चल गए, वो काफी आगे निकल गए,

जो पृथक पथ थे गढ़ रहे, वो धीरे धीरे बढ़ रहे,

न धन है ना धन्यवाद ही है, अलग राह के अलग स्वाद ही हैं ,

मंजिल मिली तो आकाशीय होगी, अन्यथा सिर्फ हसीं होगी,


Thanks for reading.. !!

Stay inspired, stay focused .. !!

CH 8 The Formula to the Balance of Happiness

The sense of happiness depends on how we are feeling. All positive emotions add to the happy state and all negative emotions reduce the chances to feel happy. Being content is not in human nature. However that is the source of all the glory that humanity has achieved, it also causes all the misery that exists in the world.

Life is not perfect. In fact, it’s not even smooth or easy. It’s funny that all of us are in constant stress over this consistent fact. To put it simply, life is never the way we want it to be, and this is because we always want something better then what we already have. A better location, a better job, a better house, a better set of clothes, a better environment, a better family (if that was even possible). The list is never-ending, so are the desires.

I discussed on the factors that influence our happiness in Ch 3 to Ch7 (links added below) of this blog. Now I would like to go back to the equation I introduced in Ch1 Fact-ors that influence our Happiness. Where assuming all factors are equally important and are contributing 25% each positively to our happiness, i.e.

Self(25%) + Home(25%) + Social(25%) + Family(25%) = Happiness(100%)

We may attain a state of 100% happiness, well that would be close to Nirvana. This is the ideal, hypothetical and in-fact impractical situation. But let us keep a benchmark of 60% to be reasonably happy, anything more than that is towards Bliss and less than that is the scope of improvement that we should focus on for our reasonable happiness.

So let us get real with the equation. One can have the varying status of contribution and satisfaction on each factor. Not all factors may contribute equally, Self maybe 30%, Social 30%, Home 25% and family maybe 15% for some people as a factor of importance and a very different balance for someone else. Similarly, satisfaction levels will be varied from person to person and from time to time.

Let’s say, for me, all factors are 25% important and I am 10% happy with my health and well being, 10% happy with my job and social status, 20% happy with my family and 15% happy with my home, husband and marriage. Adding all I have 55% happiness and 45% scope of improvement in my happiness.

Self(10%) + Home(15%) + Social(10%) + Family(20%) = Happiness(55%)

But had it been in my hand, I would have already improved my situation. Well that’s not entirely true, of the 45%, probably 30% is beyond my control, yet I can work on the rest 15%. If I could make improvement of only 5% in any one of the factors, I will be reasonably happy, which in turn might help improve another couple of percent on the health factor.

Just to mention here, the grading and % check is as per self-assessment and there is no certified tool to measure exact happiness levels. After all, it is a feeling and can’t be measured by anyone other than the person experiencing it. The key is to identify and work on the improvements that can be done to increase the percentage.

Most of the time we are lacking one or more of the factors contributing towards our happiness. Some of us have non-supporting families, others have toxic relationships, someone has a non-rewarding job, and someone is too sick to enjoy life. Even the one who has all the riches lacks something somewhere. So to maintain a balance in happiness, we will have to keep our desires listed and focus flexible on improvement.

In the next few Chapters in the sequence of this post, I shall try to discuss the variations of the equations with respect to some of ‘what if’ situations. Of which a few that I have personally faced and some other which I have known about from other people’s experiences. I am expecting a lot more of ‘what if’ situations in comments from the readers.

Thanks For reading. Previous Chapters links added below.

Stay tuned, Stay Happy …!!

Ch 0 The thought of being happy

Ch 1 Fact-ors that influence our Happiness

Ch 2 Why focus on Happiness at all ?

Ch 3 Taking care of ‘SELF’ is not Selfish




Ch 7 Family: The Ultimate Support Group

Ch 9 Happiness Without Self ?